a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
