dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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