I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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