you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
