My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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