I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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