last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
