Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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