SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
