my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
