Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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