Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
