You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
