I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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