I just gift wrapped bread.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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