I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
