put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
