Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
