3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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