Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
