Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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