I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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