I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
