rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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