I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
