Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
