Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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