I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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