dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
