You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
