There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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