Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
