I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
