I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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