I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
