You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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