Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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