just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
