ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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