There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
