guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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