Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
