for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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