That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
