We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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