we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
birth control should be required to get into college
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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