im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
