somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
