i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
