i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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